I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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