I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
