Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
