i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Randomize
