i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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