Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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