just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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