And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
