John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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