So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
