Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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