forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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