I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
