The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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