that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize