a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
