so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
