ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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