o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
