She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
