I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its not stalking. its research.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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