This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
