normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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