you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
