I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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