if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
