omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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