My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
