i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
