Soap is not a condiment
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
