Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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