people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
