So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
