He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
