dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize