dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
