I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
