There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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