Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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