just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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