I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
