Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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