I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
