Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
