so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
