You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
