Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
