I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
