toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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