it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
