Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
