So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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