Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cockslap morals
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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