id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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