I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
