the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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