i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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