my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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