jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
