What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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