So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
