Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
