Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
