ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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