We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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