Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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