I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
