ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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