those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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