There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
