TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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