I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
