walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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