I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
