508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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