I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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