i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
