we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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