His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
