Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
