I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
