Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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