We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
