Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
