i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Someone shit on the floor
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
