I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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