there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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