ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
