What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I FOUND THE LEGS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
