I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize