Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
