The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hippo gnu deer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
