I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
