Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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